Ch. 20
Against the Epicureans and Academics.
THE propositions which are true and evident are of necessity used even by those who contradict them: and a man
might perhaps consider it to be the greatest proof of a
thing being evident that it is found to be necessary even
for him who denies it to make use of it at the same time.
For instance, if a man should deny that there is anything
universally true, it is plain that he must make the contradictory negation, that nothing is universally true. What,
wretch, do you not admit even this? For what else is
this than to affirm that whatever is universally affirmed
is false? Again if a man should come forward and say:
Know that there is nothing that can be known,378 but all
things are incapable of sure evidence; or if another say,
Believe me and you will be the better for it, that a man
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ought not to believe any thing; or again, if another should
say, Learn from me, man, that it is not possible to learn
any thing; I tell you this and will teach you, if you choose.
Now in what respect do these differ from those? Whom
shall I name? Those who call themselves Academics?
'Men, agree [with us] that no man agrees [with another]:
believe us that no man believes anybody.'
Thus Epicurus379 also, when he designs to destroy the
natural fellowship of mankind, at the same time makes use
of that which he destroys. For what does he say? 'Be
not deceived, men, nor be led astray, nor be mistaken:
there is no natural fellowship among rational animals;
believe me. But those who say otherwise, deceive you
and seduce you by false reasons.'What is this to you?
Permit us to be deceived. Will you fare worse, if all the
rest of us are persuaded that there is a natural fellowship
among us, and that it ought by all means to be preserved?
Nay, it will be much better and safer for you. Man, why do
you trouble yourself about us? Why do you keep awake
for us? Why do you light your lamp? Why do you rise
early? Why do you write so many books, that no one of
us may be deceived about the gods and believe that they
take care of men; or that no one may suppose the nature
of good to be other than pleasure? For if this is so, lie
down and sleep, and lead the life of a worm, of which you
judged yourself worthy: eat and drink, and enjoy women,
and ease yourself, and snore.380 And what is it to you, how
the rest shall think about these things, whether right or
wrong? For what have we to do with you? You take
care of sheep because they supply us with wool and milk,
and last of all with their flesh. Would it not be a desirable
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thing if men could be lulled and enchanted by the Stoics,
and sleep and present themselves to you and to those like
you to be shorn and milked? For this you ought to say to
your brother Epicureans: but ought you not to conceal it
from others, and particularly before every thing to persuade
them, that we are by nature adapted for fellowship, that
temperance is a good thing; in order that all things may
be secured for you?381 Or ought we to maintain this fellowship with some and not with others? With whom then
ought we to maintain it? With such as on their part also
maintain it, or with such as violate this fellowship? And
who violate it more than you who establish such doctrines?
What then was it that waked Epicurus from his sleepiness, and compelled him to write what he did write?
What else was it than that which is the strongest thing
in men, nature, which draws a man to her own will though
he be unwilling and complaining? For since, she says,
you think that there is no community among mankind,
write this opinion and leave it for others, and break your
sleep to do this, and by your own practice condemn your own
opinions. Shall we then say that Orestes was agitated by
the Erinyes (Furies) and roused from his deep sleep, and
did not more savage Erinyes and Pains rouse Epicurus
from his sleep and not allow him to rest, but compelled
him to make known his own evils, as madness and wine
did the Galli (the priests of Cybele)? So strong and invincible is man's nature, For how can a vine be moved
not in the manner of a vine, but in the manner of an
olive tree? or on the other hand how can an olive tree be
moved not in the manner of an olive tree, but in the
manner of a vine? It is impossible: it cannot be conceived. Neither then is it possible for a man completely
to lose the movements (affects) of a man; and even those
who are deprived of their genital members are not able to
deprive themselves of man's desires.382 Thus Epicurus also
mutilated all the offices of a man, and of a father of a
family, and of a citizen and of a friend, but he did not
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mutilate human desires, for he could not; not more than
the lazy Academics can cast away or blind their own
senses, though they have tried with all their might to do
it. What a shame is this? when a man has received from
nature measures and rules for the knowing of truth, and
does not strive to add to these measures and rules and to
improve383 them, but just the contrary, endeavours to take
away and destroy whatever enables us to discern the
truth?
What say you philosopher? piety and sanctity, what do
you think that they are? If you like, I will demonstrate
that they are good things. Well, demonstrate it that our
citizens may be turned and honour the deity and may no
longer be negligent about things of the highest value.
Have you then the demonstrations?I have, and I am
thankful.Since then you are well pleased with them, hear
the contrary: That there are no Gods, and, if there are, they
take no care of men, nor is there any fellowship between
us and them; and that this piety and sanctity which is
talked of among most men is the lying of boasters and
sophists, or certainly of legislators for the purpose of
terrifying and checking wrong doers.384 Well done, philosopher, you have done something for our citizens, you have
brought back all the young men to contempt of things
divine.What then, does not this satisfy you? Learn
now, that justice is nothing, that modesty is folly, that a
father is nothing, a son nothing.Well done, philosopher,
persist, persuade the young men, that we may have more
with the same opinions as you and who say the same as
you. From such principles as these have grown our well
constituted states; by these was Sparta founded: Lycurgus
fixed these opinions in the Spartans by his laws and education, that neither is the servile condition more base than
honourable, nor the condition of free men more honourable
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than base, and that those who died at Thermopylae385 died
from these opinions; and through what other opinions did
the Athenians leave their city?386 Then those who talk
thus, marry and beget children, and employ themselves
in public affairs and make themselves priests and interpreters. Of whom? of gods who do not exist: and they
consult the Pythian priestess that they may hear lies, and
they report the oracles to others. Monstrous impudence
and imposture.
Man what are you doing?387 are you refuting yourself
every day; and will you not give up these frigid attempts?
When you eat, where do you carry your hand to? to your
mouth or to your eye? when you wash yourself, what do
you go into? do you ever call a pot a dish, or a ladle a
spit? If I were a slave of any of these men, even if I
must be flayed by him daily, I would rack him. If he
said, 'Boy, throw some olive oil into the bath,' I would
take pickle sauce and pour it down on his head. What is
this? he would sayAn appearance was presented to me, I
swear by your genius, which could not be distinguished
from oil and was exactly like itHere give me the barley-
drink (tisane), he saysI would fill and carry him a dish
of sharp sauceDid I not ask for the barley drink? Yes,
mister: this is the barley drink? Take it and smell;
take it and taste. How do you know then if our senses
deceive us?If I had three or four fellowslaves of the
same opinion, I should force him to hang himself through
passion or to change his mind. But now they mock us by
using all the things which nature gives, and in words
destroying them.
Grateful indeed are men and modest, who, if they do
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nothing else, are daily eating bread and yet are shameless
enough to say, we do not know if there is a Demeter or her
daughter Persephone or a Pluto;388 not to mention that
they are enjoying the night and the day, the seasons of
the year, and the stars, and the sea and the land and the
cooperation of mankind, and yet they are not moved in
any degree by these things to turn their attention to them;
but they only seek to belch out their little problem (matter
for discussion), and when they have exercised their stomach
to go off to the bath. But what they shall say, and about
what things or to what persons, and what their hearers
shall learn from this talk, they care not even in the least
degree, nor do they care if any generous youth after hearing such talk should suffer any harm from it, nor after he
has suffered harm should lose all the seeds of his generous
nature; nor if we389 should give an adulterer help towards
being shameless in his acts; nor if a public peculator
should lay hold of some cunning excuse from these
doctrines; nor if another who neglects his parents should
be confirmed in his audacity by this teaching.What
then in your opinion is good or bad? This or that?
Why then should a man say any more in reply to such
persons as these, or give them any reason or listen to
any reason from them, or try to convince them? By
Zeus one might much sooner expect to make catamites
change their mind than those who are become so deaf and
blind to their own evils.390
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