Lysistrata (English)Machine readable text

Lysistrata (English)
By Aristophanes
Edited by: Jeffrey Henderson

Newburyport, MA The Focus Classical Library 1992

Perseus Documents Collection Table of Contents

Funded by The Annenberg CPB/Project

Mute characters


Spartan Herald
Direct me, please, to party headquarters.
Where are your commissars? You please will speak.
The hell are you? A man or a Freudian nightmare?64
Spartan Herald
I'm Herald from Sparta, you very cute young man.65
I come with orders to propose a treaty.
That's why you've got that tommy-gun in there?
Spartan Herald
Is not a weapon.
Turn around, let's see.
What's pushing out your trousers? What's in there,
your lunch-box?
Spartan Herald
This young man is obviously]
That's a hard-on, rogue!
Spartan Herald
Do not be silly, please: is no such thing.
Then what do you call that?
Spartan Herald
Is my attache case.66
If that's the case, then I've got one just like it.
But let's come clean, OK? I know what's up.
How fare you all in happy Sparta, sir?
Spartan Herald
Not well. The comrades rise, also the allies. We all have hard-on. Have a pussy shortage.
What's wrong? Some difficulty with your five
year plan?
Spartan Herald
Oh no, was dissidents. Was Lampito.
She lead the women comrades in a plot.
They take an oath of solidarity,
keep men away from warm and furry place.
What happened?
Spartan Herald
Now we suffer! Walk around
like men with hernia problem,67 all bent over.
The women won't permit to touch the pussy,
till each and every party member swear
to make bilateral disarmament.
So this is global, a vast conspiracy
devised by women! Now I see it all!
Go quickly back to Sparta for the truce.
Arrange to send ambassadors with full powers.
And I will so instruct our leaders here,]
to name ambassadors. I'll show them this!68
Spartan Herald
I fly away. You offer good advice.