Oh! alas! alas! Oh! woe! oh! woe! Miserable Paphlagonian! may the gods destroy both him and his cursed advice! Since that evil day when this new slave entered the house [5] he has never ceased belaboring us with blows.

May the plague seize him, the arch-fiend him and his lying tales!

Hah! my poor fellow, what is your condition?

Very wretched, just like your own.

Then come, let us sing a duet of groans in the style of Olympus.

[10] Boo, hoo! boo, hoo! boo, hoo! boo, hoo! boo, hoo! boo, hoo!!

Bah! it's lost labour to weep! Enough of groaning! Let us consider how to save our pelts.

But how to do it! Can you suggest anything?

No, you begin.

I cede you the honor.

By Apollo! no, not I

Ah! would you but tell me what I should tell you!

[15] Come, have courage! Speak, and then I will say what I think.

I dare not. How could I express my thoughts with the pomp of Euripides?

Oh! please spare me! Do not pelt me with those vegetables, [20] but find some way of leaving our master.

Well, then! Say Let-us-bolt, like this, in one breath.

I follow you Let-us-bolt.

Now after Let-us-bolt say at-top-speed!

At-top-speed!

Splendid! Just as if you were masturbating; first slowly, [25] Let-us-bolt; then quick and firmly, at-top-speed!

Let-us-bolt, let-us-bolt-at-top-speed!

Hah! does that not please you?

Yes, indeed, yet I fear your omen bodes no good to my hide.

How so?

Because masturbation chafes the skin.

[30] The best thing we can do for the moment is to throw ourselves at the feet of the statue of some god.

Of which statue? Any statue? Do you then believe there are gods?

Certainly.

What proof have you?

The proof that they have taken a grudge against me. Is that not enough?

[35] I'm convinced it is. But to pass on. Do you consent to my telling the spectators of our troubles?

There's nothing wrong with that, and we might ask them to show us by their manner, whether our facts and actions are to their liking.